Crandolph’s Barbaric Yawp

Who just won public kudos from the animal rights movement?  Our very own far-right Senator Rick Santorum (R-PA), a man whose name is synonymous with… well, let’s face it, with "the frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex."  Or, failing that, opposition to abortion and homosexuality (a strange combination to oppose when you think about it, no?).  I have to say it’s good to see that in some small way the man is not totally, cartoonishly evil, in the manner of Lucifer or Henry Kissinger, and is perhaps only 99% or so of the way there.  There are only so many of those public figures a body can track at once.

You very well may have seen this news item already.  Did you note that all of the stories reference his 2 year old German Shepherd named Schatzie [sic]?  For those who haven’t had the benefit of 3 years of high school German with a native instructor (somehow I was able to do this in Philadelphia public school), a months-long tour of Germany for work and a brief relationship with a young German woman, Schatzi is a term of endearment.  In the colloquial it roughly means "sweetie," although I believe it to be derived from the word for "sparrow."  It also happens to be a "European" (read: "Teutonic" … read: "jackbooted") restaurant in California with a bizarre Ahnold association and stranger website.  Funny name for a dog that can bring you down by the arm with the intent of getting you in an ideal position to rip out your throat.

Don’t get me wrong, I happen to have grown up with German Shepherds and find most of them to be wonderful pooches.  They can be as affectionate as any other dog, and are extremely smart, loyal and, erm… protective.  I’d be tempted to suggest the cliche that anyone who loves this breed to the point of naming his own something cute "can’t be all bad," but the fact of the matter is that we have historic evidence which fails to support that assertion.  It’s the cutsie-pie German nomenclature that has me a little worried.  I mean, I’m partially German-American myself, but we never named a dog something along the lines of Kommandant Klink.

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